Tuesday, June 8, 2010

a little note of explanation...

so, i was just reading back through some old posts on this blog, and marveling at how different things feel in my fourth season of marathon training than they did in the first. now i know i can gut it out, even if i'm not totally prepared for it. so i'm unafraid.

i know there will be a lot of work over the next five months, but... in the end, i'll enjoy the time with my teammates, and i'll enjoy the races. even if i'm not particularly fast.

herein comes the note of explanation...

i wrote several times through the course of the winter that i was really struggling. struggling with fatigue, mostly... but also with the feeling that i was not only not improving, but getting worse at running as the weeks went by.

there is a reason. and it's not the unkind one that i had been telling myself (mutter mutter, fat and lazy, mutter mutter...)

i've been diagnosed with Lupus.

and now, it all makes sense.

so i'm kinder to myself now. a little more forgiving on the bad days.... a little more delighted on the good days. i'm still a runner... just one who listens to her body more, and is okay with the fact that she'll never be a fast runner.